Be Where You Are
The temperature reached a balmy 37 degrees here in Ann Arbor today – at least, it felt balmy after a wicked week of record snows and record lows and all-around miserable traveling conditions. Lulu Dog and I bundled up this afternoon and ventured out for the first time in what seemed like ages for a brisk walk and, importantly, some fresh air. And I have to tell you that it felt GOOD.
Good to see blue skies instead of the endless gray cloud cover that’s blanketed the region for the last several days.
Good to soak up the warm sunshine on my face and let the crisp breeze flutter through my hair rather than feeling chilled to the bone after just a few moments outdoors.
Good to wander through our neighborhood, giggling at this week’s podcast of NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me,” without worrying about developing frostbite or slipping on icy patches along the sidewalk.
Good to see my sweet pup at home in the world, splashing through puddles and rolling in snow piles, happy to be outside after a cooped up week indoors.
That last bit holds true for both of us. No, I wasn’t rolling in snow piles, but I was thrilled to be out of the house, out of the office, free of obligations, if only for a little while.
Michigan winters seem to test my patience a bit more every year. This year has been an especially difficult adjustment for me. In part, this is a direct result of the heavy-duty storms we’ve been experiencing, turning my normally 45-minute commute into a white-knuckled, stressful 1½ to 2 hour journey each way and generally making my life more complicated and unpleasant.
But it goes beyond that. My mind keeps returning to my recent trip to the Bay Area – lunch with friends in Berkeley, sipping tea in San Francisco’s Chinatown, exploring the Napa Valley in all its beauty – and, more than ever, it’s tough to feel satisfied with the return to day-to-day normalcy that’s currently in front of me.
That’s my challenge, my question, this week. How do I react when I’m feeling let down, when right now feels not good enough, when the thermometer reads in the mid-thirties with snow on the ground and all I want to do is run around in short sleeves and sandals, showing off my pedicure?
I’ve read enough self-help books to know that the first rule of personal growth is to get clear on what you really want so that if you don’t like your circumstances, you can make different choices to change your situation or your outlook – it’s up to you.
But what do you do in the meantime, as you’re getting clear? How do you make peace with the here and now, without settling, while continuing to move forward in the direction of your wildest dreams?
I don’t know the answer to this yet. I’m still fine-tuning how to juggle finding joy in the everyday with a desire to be more, want more, play bigger in the world.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. And what I’ve realized is that it doesn’t have to be an “either/or” proposition. It’s okay, vital, even, to seek out and savor those things that make me appreciate the life I have – walking with my dog, for example – as I develop my longer-term vision of what makes my heart sing more fully and what I might do to get there.
Perhaps the overarching lesson is one of balance, about being open to the questions. Perhaps, underneath all the angst and uncertainty, it’s simply about establishing soul-affirming goals and working toward them, while simultaneously surrendering to the present moment. Perhaps this is what it means to learn how to be where you are.